Well it all began when i read a journal from Blueblur8lover that made me question why i drew. For some reason i always end making a lot of self analisys and end up questioning everything about me. So why do i draw? I am not really sure about it. I just get the urge of doing so, more like an impulse. Sometimes i say it is a hobby, yet i want to be taken seriuosly at what i do. So what is it in the end? I guess it is just part of me and how i express myself.

I have drawn since i remember, i started by making monsters, just rando stuff, a thing with two really long eyes hanging on it’s sides, a winged octopuss, a batman logo ripoff with hands and hammers, a dragon with a single horn on it’s forehead. And that is what i did for years.

Then i tried starting making “fanart” of some of the cartoons i liked, like TMNT and that Peter Pan cartoon with the captain Hook that had those white curls of hair. It was frustrating that they resembled nothing, they were just hideous things and i grew bored out of it quite fast.

Then came my very first characters and story. It was a crappy TMNT knock off of wrestling animal men that had special belts and some other stupid stuff. But it was then when i started making stuff that had some sense.

The moment where i began finding my own way was by the same times that anime was a novelty to me. It was a time where i thought that anything non japanese was crap (how stupid i was). That is when i fell in love with the whole world set in Sparkster (the rocket knight adventures). I used that character type as a model for everything i made, i started making characters that were constant and finally a story. Even if it was a stupid enviromentalist “animals VS contaminants” story. Hehe, i still keep some of the corny names in the current versions.

After some time i grew tired about the short animal guys with spiky hair. So i moved to try to make “realistic” bodies. I spend some years doing that and then i moved develop characters and story for my own amusement.

Two or three years later i started a whole different set of characters and a new story, this time trying to make humans. That phase lasted 3 years. But there was a constant, i knew few people that also drew and everyone said i drew very good and such. So i was content with what i was making and i got stuck with that level of skill.

It was like seven years after Sparkster that i got internet access at home and i started exploring the web. Then i found that other people had my same interestes and went back to the animal characters. I found this comunity named “YERF!”, i started lurking the forums, and went to the critique forums where i got feedback for the first time. I read books about anatomy and the ways of drawing. And it was then that i considered that i really needed improvement, so i started with the basics.

With time i got better, but not good enough for what i wanted. I was so happy with the YERF! comunity that i took it as a personal challenge to improve until i had the skills to get accepted and get a gallery. I then went to the VCL, made some friends and then moved here on DA.

My early times at DA were amazing, i met tons of new people and made several friends. We all improved together and our skills grew. Then came college and over that time of studies almost all my friends went in their own ways and we kind of lost contact. I kept trying to improve and such.

Then i realized that with the lack of my friends i had a lack of critique, and i got stalled for some time. Then i started trying to correct my own mistakes until i got what i thought was a decent enought work to try to apply at YERF! for a gallery. But by that time, the site was no more, i was really dissappointed.

Anyway, slowly and with time i think i have improved a lot, but i also always feel not happy with my current abilities and wish to move forward, and i guess i will never be and this will be a never ending story.

I know my work has flaws, and i try to correct them. But at times one is blinded to their own stuff and are not able to see their own mistakes until someone points them out. That is where friends and other people’s feedback comes in handy.

I have reached a point that i consider saddening or depressing. Where i get a nice amount of comments… but no feedback. Then i start doubting myself but ain’t sure of what is wrong.

I used to have a lot of friends that drew and made images for uploading and stuff, but now they are nowhere to be seen. Then i see othe people’s close groups of happy drawing people and then i realize i miss that, but i got nowhere to go. I feel stuck.

At times i would like to be more recognized, or more social, or more skilled. But i am not, either it i just my self view, me being to closed to others or just not being interesting enough. Maybe i am expeting way to much from myself, or from everyone.

But there are times, like with some post on Furaffinity, where i get no comments at all, or no feedback that makes me wonder what the heck i am doing. At times i get my head full of easy answers that blames someone else, “if i was a chick i would get easy attention”, “if i drew porn i would have tons of people commenting”, stuff like that.

But for one, i think that basing all your work on sex is just a cheap way to do it. I’d like to improve with stuff done with more passion or personal goals. Not something that would be (for me) a cheap way out. But sadly something i work a lot in gets ignored when a doodle of a naked girl/big breasted girl/all of the previous ones is the only way i get comments or faves. Oh well…

A good friend of mine told me today something along the lines of: “If you want to get noticed you have to find a balance between what you want and what the public is expecting”. I guess he is right, but i also feel that doing that might betray a bit of myself. Or maybe i am just blind to reality.

I guess that i will only know my real answer with time.

I usually draw for fun, and it is quickly noticeable when i enjoy drawing something. But when i “force” something out of me, i can only think that the final result looks stiff.

Well this has gone far too long for now. Thanks for bearing with me. I just have some questions for you.

1- Why do you draw?
2- What does it mean to you?
3- What do you want to achieve?
4- Are you willing to make some sacrifizes for it?

Comission Information

Sketches: $5.00 - [link] - [link]
Inked: $10.00 - [link] -
Digital with abstract background: $25.00 - [link] - [link]
Digital color with background: $35.00 - [link] - [link] - [link]